“There is a very fine line between pleasure and pain. They are two sides of the same coin, one not existing without the other.” – E.L James
Remember when 50 Shades of Grey first came out? How exciting and exhilarating this movie and book was? Bringing something that is taboo out into the public that opened the door to kink and BDSM. With this newfound excitement and the exciting toys that came with it. Several articles came out with shocking statistics that the rise in Sex accidents had doubled during the time this film came out and majority of those accidents were among the younger generation.
Many became thirsty to try something provocative, new with what appeared to be domination and submission; with their only knowledge through a film and some books. It opened this burning desire inside to explore a world of sexuality that many still are not aware of. We all have that alter ego that wants to come out and play – here at Secrets we partnered with the very best to bring you education and technique to play the right way and to make it enjoyable for your partner and yourself.
BDSM and the roles that are played are not to be confused with showing your partner a sense of control and dominance out of fear, but out of trust and love. When that trust is broken, you have broken more than just a role. Going into any sexual journey is a choice between each other and whomever is brought into that relationship. It becomes equal and intimate – not one person’s feelings come before another one in the relationship. Many take on a dominate role out of the idea that It is the power role and do not consider that one is only the dominate while the submissive allows it.
“You are never so Dominate as when you stoop to care for your submissive.”
Dominate means taking care of your submissive in all the ways that bring them joy and ease. It is caring for them and adoring the trust and love they have given you through their submission, a trust that should never be forsaken or broken.
So before you go grabbing those whips and floggers, taking out that rope and blindfold – make sure that you have a discussion with your partner. If you are looking to enhance, increase or even learn new techniques – check out our dungeon Club Swinkster with Carnivale Risqué and get to know Sir Tank and Goddess Ellez.
A message from Carnivale Risqué
“In Club Swinkster I see many types of impact play. Just because you can swing a flogger doesn’t make you a good impact player. There is so much more to impact than how hard and fast can I swing these things. “Look ma I can Florentine.” Who gives a shit?
Do you know negotiating, such as, (do you have any injuries? Are you okay with marks? What’s some of your soft limits, what is a hard limit? Do you use build up, warm up, continual consent, seducing consent. Did you ask if you could join before jumping in? Do you introduce new toys with consent, Do you read your bottom and even if they say more are you Dom/mes enough to call red on them. (Oh yes, Good Dom/mes also call red) hey hey hey how about some good old Aftercare?
Learn from someone who knows the subtleties of impact play because if you don’t you will be chasing off some newbies before they even get a chance to experience a form of BDSM done correctly. And if you are a true player you want nothing more than to seduce people to the dark side. Not show them who’s boss.”
Thank you for coming to my Tank Talks - Carnivale Risque LLC.
For those reading this that are new to the world of kink; there are words that are used associated with BDSM that are important to understand the meaning. Such words as impact play, sadism, masochism, aftercare, consent, and the list go on. More important than understanding the definition, is the importance of how it plays a role in the experiences you and your partner want to have. If you are new or want to grow your knowledge, a good book that is simple to read and understand is BDSM &Fetish Dictionary of Kink written by Dominic Paul Reagene. With the basic terms and how they are used will give a good idea on where to start when you are entering into your kink relationship.
One of the first lessons that I learned years ago was to communicate and write it down, again this is a living document; meaning it may change and for the majority it will as you and your partner grow. Whether that means add more kink or take it away, it is about growing and enhancing the relationship together. In the world of kink and BDSM many will use negotiations and contracts – sounds crazy right? You trust each other, you’re married, you’re in love, why would you need to negotiate a contract? Glad you asked - You need to define your roles, explain what your desires are and what you are looking to get out of it. What is your limits, and that is not for just the Submissive, as a Dominant there are areas that they may not be comfortable with and those areas need to be respected and discussed so both parties understand each persons limitations.
Stepping into a new world of sexuality is exciting but can be overwhelming and intimidating. Not knowing what direction to go in or who to trust to guide you with the best information and techniques can be become frustrating. We have all been there and sometimes we think movies and google give the best advice, no.. Let me say that again.. NO. There are incredible books and articles that can give great guidance – there is nothing like having a teacher that is educated and experienced in the realm of pain and pleasure. We encourage all our guests to take advantage of our ultimate dungeon Club Swinkster here at Secrets. With compassion and educational background, we are pleased to announce that Carnivale Risque will be hosting seminars and workshops to help guide you on the right path to your kinky sexual desires. As you already know, your Secrets are safe with us, let those desires out – come play with your kinky side. We are ready, are you? Stay tuned for upcoming classes and seminars that will increase your knowledge and skills. Play time is always better when you have the knowledge of what you are playing with.