"Seduce my mind and you can have my body. Find my soul and I'm yours forever."- Anonymous
With Valentines fast approaching do you know what your partner wants? Is it a wild night of sex with a group? A kinky night with cuffs, whips and chains? A quickie in the parking lot or maybe a slow sensual night of making love? Whatever the desire is – it is best to communicate how you want your Valentines to go. For so many there is this thought that it is just another hallmark, consumer day but let us be real here. Valentines was created to have one day that showers our partners with love and admiration, a day where lust and love collide to create a special moment between lovers.
“It was the way her eyes glowed when she looked at me, her soft smile that curled up her lip and the way her hand brushed against mine that left an excitement that pulsated through my body. The way she looked at me when I kissed the inside of her thigh – her subtle soft moan as I pressed my red lips to her panties, feeling the moisture between her thighs.”
In honor of Secrets annual Lusty Lovers Takeover – we bring you a fun challenge to the perfect Valentine’s Lusty Lover Day.
We tend to have expectations of how our partner should make us happy, what we want and how we want the day to go without COMMUNICATING those desires. When our partner does not meet those expectations, we can become disappointed and plain bitchy or an asshole. We are interesting, complicated little creatures. Sometimes I laugh when my friends and I are honest about our own crazy thought process – let me share this and ask yourself, does this sound familiar?
Her - “I really want to wake up and pack a picnic, some beach towels and go to the coast. I saw this ring that was so beautiful, ugh it would be so nice if he/she got me some new jewelry. It would be better than flowers, but I do enjoy getting flowers. I hope he takes me to my favorite restaurant tonight and then have a romantic night in.”
Him – “Last year she said not to worry about Valentines, it is just another day that is commercialized. I will pick her up flowers and chocolates, so she knows I thought of her. Man, I would love to see her in that lingerie I bought her last month, those new high heels she bought, all dolled up and ready for some great sex.”
Her- “If I tell him what I want, then I might as well just do it myself because it won’t mean anything that I had to tell him what to do! He should know what I want….”
Him – “If I tell her that I want to see her in the lingerie then she will get upset and think all I want is sex and that is all I care about. I tell her all the time how sexy she would look in that lingerie with those heels – She should know what I want…..”
When the day comes to pass and the EXPECTATION was not met, the day either went smooth as planned with some sex, bedtime kisses and a check in the box that Valentine’s Day is over or there is a resentment with a few colorful choice words of what you “should have done” and lights out - who cares it is just another Valentine’s Day. Well folks here is the Lusty Lovers Challenge – take a moment and really think about what YOU want for Valentines and tell your partner what you want! If you do not celebrate it, get over it and embrace the one day a year that is designed for Lovers.
Express your ideas and thoughts to your partner – come on peeps this is about one day of opening up and truly telling your partner what you want and how that would make you happy. If you know that you want a new watch, red roses with a pink one in the center and for your partner to make reservations at your favorite place TELL THEM! No matter how you feel, Valentine’s Day is going to come each year, so embrace this Day of Lover’s and make it one to remember and cherish.
This little challenge is one that should be brought into the lifestyle arena. It is ok and encouraged to state what would make you happy – to get to a place you are not familiar with, you need direction. When coming to Secrets – this is no different. Open the dialogue about what it is you want and desire. Set those limitations before going there, so there is less of an opportunity for a disagreement or your partner feeling confused and not able to fully enjoy the atmosphere.
The other night we were talking about how the BDSM community has a set of guidelines, rules and communication that is followed. We realized in the lifestyle, often people fall short on that. The only problem with this, is when something happens that was not discussed, it can cause feelings of insecurity, jealousy, and questioning if you made the right decision to embark on a new journey exploring sexuality. All these emotions are normal – but with direction from your partner, it will be easier to navigate those emotions. Take the time to ask your partner what it is they are looking for to enhance your relationship. Is it casual sex? A one-night stand? Are you looking for a couple that you want to have a relationship with? Travel with? Before introducing anyone new into your dynamics make sure that you say what it is you want. Be open-minded to your partners desires, respect if what you desire does not sync with what your partner wants. Remember these dynamics can change as you and your partner explore together. A book that really helps guide in those feelings and working close with your partner is called A Happy Life in an Open Relationship - The essential guide to a healthy and fulfilling nonmaonogamous love life - wrtieen by Susan Wenzel, Sex and Relationship Therapist
Need some last minute ideas to make your Valentines special and sexy? Click on the links below for some great ideas for your sexy valentine