“What every man wants is a lady by day and a sexual Goddess by night”- Unknown
Life takes us on a different path and there are times we lose the confidence we once had in who we are sexually. We stop taking the chances of exploring for lack of time, constant daily grind of life and for those that are single, finding that right partner to explore with. It is a realization that gets overlooked when new chapters begin in our life. Sometimes we think that it means it goes away and we ignore it as though it should not be a part of our lives anymore. Then there are times where we open our eyes to what we are missing so we go stroll down memory lane to recapture the very emotions that led us there to begin with. A time for self-reflection sexually and one that should be catered to as different areas of your life change. I talk to so many different women that feel this same way, whether it is going from single into motherhood – or empty nester going into menopause. When significant changes happen in our lives, our sexuality is the first area to be neglected.
This does not just apply to women; men have the same ideas that as they get older, they are not going to have the same “stamina” as they once did in their younger years. I was having a great conversation with a good-looking man in his late 30’s and he talked about how his sex drive went down after he turned 35. As we got to talking, I asked if he had considered having his testosterone checked out, he looked at me and was offended (LOL, ladies, this offends men like it does when asked how much a woman weighs, just FYI) – he said, “I am not that old, just life happened and priorities change.” Listen Jack, I do not care if you now have 8 kids, 4 dogs and 3 jobs – your sexuality is a part of your wellbeing and should be treated as such. Sometimes life is a reason that we neglect our sex lives but know that it is not meant to go away or dwindle down, it is meant to conform to the new version that you are. If you notice that big of a change, please get with your health care provider and talk about those changes and get your hormones tested. I can not stress that enough. You are not too “old” to look at all aspects of your sexual health and what is causing a diminish in it.
For years I spent being a dominate woman sexually, there is that inner part of me that misses the confidence and ease of knowing who I was sexually and how my partners were to be treated when I was in their presence. It is not to say that my inner Goddess/Mistress is gone, life has changed and with those changes means finding a new version of what that looks like. If you know me and have met me – you have most likely seen the softer, girl next door that aims to please, with care in my words and consideration in my actions. I was comfortable for years, confident with each submissive, taking careful time to understand their desires, wants and needs. Understanding the importance of my role that each one trusted me with. A role to not be taken lightly, to be honored and cherished as their Goddess and/or Mistress, just as I honored and cherished them as my pet and/or submissive slave. Life changed and so did the sexuality that I was once used to.
“You are right there without hesitation, my glass of wine waiting at the perfect temperature, my flogger next you. Your eyes are piercing, your dick is throbbing, suffocated by the cock cage that you were in all day. Yearning for a moment of my attention – you disobeyed your Mistress, my rules for you are not meant to be broken, you will learn, I will teach you…”
I have to say – it felt like riding a bike, I opened this book and had a huge smile, that fun kinky memory came flooding back. I enjoy reading and learning different areas of sexuality, especially when it comes time to writing blogs. The most recent book that I read and recommend is How to be Kinkier written by Morpheous. What amazed me is some of the memories that came flooding back of times I enjoyed in different areas of my kinkier self. More than the memories and feelings that it brought back was the information that the author has in detail, and with pictures. Grab you a glass of wine, take a seat and get to reading. If you are wanting to explore a kinkier side, I recommend taking a trip into our Fairvilla store and grabbing the book – along with some toys, ropes, and whips to get you started. If you are ready to learn new skills or enhance the ones you have, be sure to check out Club Swinkster with Sir Tank and Goddess Ellez. The team at Secrets understands sexuality and it is a part of our everyday life. We are not therapists; we do not replace those conversations one should have with a medical professional and/or your partner however we have key people in place to help guide you on the path to opening your mind.
I have noticed a misconception when it comes to a kinkier side, that if it is not your daily life then it is not for you. I have had some great chats with many couples as they are getting familiar with our dungeon; Club Swinkster, and I want to make sure that everyone knows (especially for the soft players in the back) our dungeon and partnership with Carnivale Risqué is so that we have the absolute best Dungeon Master’s for training, guiding, enhancing, and educating. Whether you want to know how to tie a knot and make a few commands to your submissive or vampire your way into the neck of your lover, Sir Tank and Goddess Ellez are there to not only educate you, but to help build your confidence while you navigate your way through the rabbit hole. I hope you can see past that stigma and take the time to explore the desires that you have. How hard core or light play you are in your kink does not change that you enjoy a trip down kinky, lovers lane.
Part of any sexual journey is looking into our mindset and being open to explore and gain confidence in our sexuality. When we take the time to talk to other people, read some books and articles, we learn new ideas, techniques and can improve on the ones we already have. There is something incredibly sexy about a person that exudes sexual confidence yet stays humble and takes the time to understand the needs of their partner.
Secrets captures not only the mind and sexuality but the heart. Each person that walks away from here has a story to tell and memories to keep. Like many people that look up Secrets – many are looking for a place to be open about our sexual relationship, desires, and fantasies - more important a place to feel accepted and safe while we discover a life outside of what society says in normal in the bedroom. We look for that escape – free of judgement. We look to be that Lady by day and sexual Goddess by night. Our men look to be a gentleman on the streets and a freak in the sheets.